Alright, this is one of those few text posts that I mentioned on my “about” page. I just need to get some things off my mind. I’ve been reading internet articles and searching for books lately about relationship advice, improving communication, sex, etc, and I’ve been really disappointed at what I’ve been finding. Most of the books that I’ve encountered are written pre-2000, and the majority of these were written pre-1990. They all claim to use statistics from samples of gay couples, but if these stats are real, then I’m kind of disappointed in the male species. These articles and books normalize open relationships in gay couples, yet refer to this behavior as being monogamous. I don’t think it is. I don’t want to sit here and condemn people for not being monogamous because we’re all different and are all entitled to live our lives as we wish, but the rate of monogamy in long term gay couples, even those who are married, being around 15% (according to these books/articles) is just depressing for me. Are men really that incapable of forming a lasting sexual-emotional relationship with just one partner? I mean, I’m sure sex gets pretty vanilla after a while, but spice things up, work on it, don’t just give up and agree to go fuck other people. It just seems like a lack of…well, commitment. I’ve been in a relationship with another man for (going on) 16 months, and we’ve had our ups and downs, fights, dry periods, steamy periods, etc, and I know that it’s not that long term, but I can’t imagine ever being okay with either of us fucking other people, especially without the other there. We’ve had a threesome before, but it was just kind of weird, and it felt like it did more harm than good to our relationship, looking back. I don’t know where I’m going with this, I just want some statistics to be more reassuring. I want a book to tell me tips for making my relationship last a lifetime, to help us be better partners, to be more understanding of each other and to communicate better, but without telling me that the only way to make that work is through extrarelational sex. If I can ever get my ADD under control long enough to write something cohesive, in a decade or so, I’m going to write that book.
Anyway, what’s your opinion or experience on the matter? Have you been/are you in a gay open relationship? How did/does it work out? Are in a sexually exclusive long term relationship? How do you make things work? How’s sex? How do you keep things interesting? General advice?
Reblog, reply, or send replies to my ask.
Thanks in advance!